the hedge hog of shame
by fuuchan
Summary: this fic is about legato. yes legato. you may have heard rumors about this being about flaming cows... but no. it's about legato.
1. knives...

HOLA! I don't own trigun bla bla bla... you get the idea  
  
HI! My name is legato. Legato Bluesummers. You know, being a gung ho gun and knives's right hand man is not all cracked up to be.  
It's actually hard, mind numbing, degrading work. First of all I work for a guy named knives and that's pretty degrading in itself. What kind of guy is named knives? Where did rem ever come up with that? I mean, vash is understandable, but knives?! Was she just in the kitchen one day cutting a tomato and decided that the utensil should be her adopted child's namesake. WHAT WAS THIS WOMAN ON????? Anyhow, besides what he's named, knives is really insane. really, really insane. One time we were watching the discovery channel when this spider ate a butterfly. Knives totally flipped out. It was scary!!!! He kept pounding on the TV screen screaming obscenities. When I started to back away he hit me with the hedgehog of shame. Ah yes, the hedgehog of shame. I don't know where he got the idea of throwing a stuffed hedgehog as punishment. Knives is just that kind of guy. Very creative. You'll just be walking along, minding your own business when he will jump out of the bushes screaming "DICIPLINE!" and chuck a hedgehog at you. I speak from experience. Along with the daily hedgehog beatings he also makes me read weird incest fanfics about him and vash. ewww.... Lets just say that my day would be complete without picturing knives and his brother... together.  
Also, you know when you have a psycho boss when he cuts off your arm and replaces it with his brothers. Strange... I seriously don't get paid enough for this job! And now I can control things with my mind and her thoughts. This has a plus side and a downside.  
The good thing is that I can force any of the gung ho guns to make me ice cream and hot dogs. The bad thing is that I have to listen to people thoughts 24/7 believe me, you don't want to hear the thoughts of the gung ho guns. I had to go into counseling after midvalley  
walked in on me when I was showering. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR MIDVALLEY THOUGHTS AGAIN!!!!!!!! Knives also forces me to call him master. I guess he needs an ego boost or something. But how does it make me feel!!!!!! Pretty darn bad!!!!  
I have self esteem problems. I've tried to kill myself on numerous occasions but it just doesn't seem to work. I always end up with my head stuck in a toilet with cheese stuck up my nose. Don't ask, I don't know. There is another thing that bothers me about my work... HER!  
  
  
  
Who is legato talking about? Why does legato get cheese up his nose when he tries to kill himself? Well I don't know... and if I knew I probably wouldn't tell you because then you would have no reason to read the following chapters!  
THATS RIGHT! Following chapters... spooky...  



	2. rhiannon and the legato voodoo doll

Her. Yes her. You're probably all wondering who this her is. Well… her name is rhiannon, a fellow gung ho gun. Knives picked her up in a bar one day. He has a drinking problem; we think it's genetic. Anyhow, she was assigned to stalking vash. Unfortunately she decided that stalking my boss would be much more fun. So we sent kurunekosama to take over for her. She still considers herself a gung ho gun and stalks knives. I think the reason she hasn't been killed yet is because whenever knives come near her she'll latch on to his face until he runs away screaming. Sometimes I feel sorry for the guy. Sometimes we see her being dragged around the house because she refuses to let go of his leg. The gung ho guns always bet on who will tire out first. Usually it's knives. The only person who seems to get along with Rhiannon is Dominique. They usually gang up on us boys and make us clean up the house. I really hate when they do that because they make me clean the toilet. But at least its not e.g. mines job. He gets stuck cleaning kuroneko's litter box. Rhiannon claims she is a plant but not the kind of plant knives and vash are. She will burry her feet in the ground and spray herself with water. I especially hate her because this one time I accidentally wandered into rhiannon's room and saw her sitting with a doll the resembled me and she was pushing a little plastic hot dog into it's stomach. I suddenly got the urge to gorge on the delectable treat I have been afraid times she has good day in which she breaks out yelling "I AM DRIVING WITH MY MIND!!!!!" or "NOOOO NOT THE SOCK DOOM!!" her bad days consist of her mumbling about the invisible trash can people, and of course her hiding in the dryer and when anyone trys to do the laundry she leaps and claws their feet. Sometimes she will sit and wait in my closet until I fall asleep so she can look at my other eye, which is usually hidden behind my hair. when knives isn't there she picks on either me or midvalley. But I think midvalley kinda scares her. I don't blame her though cause he kind of scares me. It's really no fun when she stalks me because sometimes she straps a bucket of yellow paint to my butt with a hole in it so she always knows where I am. You can imagine I get some weird looks from this. I cant take it off because when I start take it off she starts to scream really loudly about how awful and cruel I am. I don't really care about that but it's the high pitch screaming I cant take. I just leave the bucket on.   
Rhiannon sings the same song over and over and over again the song is either sound life. Knives likes the song so she doesn't tell her to shut up. Now rhiannon doesn't have a bad voice but when she sings the same song 100 times in row it pretty bad. She also sings this annoying song which is I ma cucumber I am cucumber I ma cucumber I am cucumber I am cucumber please don't take me to the pickle farm. OH NO! She's singing it again! Noooooooooooo!!!!!! Help me!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
Well, how did you like that? Kinda scary huh? Oh! Just a note, I'm not rhiannon!!! My name isn't rhiannon, I don't act like rhiannon and I am not insane. Really! I'm not!!! Don't you believe me!!!!!!!!!   



End file.
